Post your best joke thread

[chpthril]

Who is Your Role Model?

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9

2) Multiply that number by 3

3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3
(I'll wait while you get the calculator....)

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number.

5) Add those digits together

Now Scroll down..............
































Now with that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein

2. Abe Lincoln

3. John McCain

4. Nelson Mandela

5. Bill Gates

6. Gandhi

7. Brad Pitt

8. Hitler

9. chpthril

10. Barack Obama

Don't be embarrassed....I just have that effect on people.... one day you too can be like me.... :-)

P.S. quite trying different numbers, You know I'm your role model, accept it and move on!

[chpthril]

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram,
and Max, invented and developed the first automobile
air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in
Detroit was 97 degrees

The four brothers walked into old man Henry
Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into
telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most
exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric
starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the
parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was
about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled
the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to
the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

T he brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million,
but they wanted the recognition by having a label,
'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of
each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little
anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the
Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours, and
finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names
would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls.

So, now you know...

[chpthril]

I don't get the punchline, chp.

Perhaps you meant to post it in the favorite YouTube thread

oops, yep

[dingleberry]

Longer and better version: http://www.patricksaviation.com/videos/SUPERGT/3384/

I don't get the punchline, chp.

Perhaps you meant to post it in the favorite YouTube thread

[hoopykat]

One of MasterCraft's finest technicians was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

[larryueckert]

JOSE CUERVO CHRISTMAS COOKIES


1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila



Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level glass and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.


Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
glass just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets duck in the steaters just pry
it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain
your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.



Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !

Hope you ejnoy yuor CHRIMAS ROOKiES......HAVE A GREAT DAY!

that funny chp

[chpthril]

Why A Gun Is Better Than A Girlfriend

1. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.
2. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.
3. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.
4. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
5. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
6. Guns don't take up much closet space.
7. Guns function normally every day of the month.
8. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
9. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.
10. AND, you can buy a silencer for a gun!

[talltigeguy]

Why A Gun Is Better Than A Girlfriend

1. You can trade in your old 44 for a new 22.
2. You can have one gun at home and another when you're on the road.
3. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he'll probably let you try it out.
4. One gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
5. Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
6. Guns don't take up much closet space.
7. Guns function normally every day of the month.
8. Your gun will never ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
9. A gun doesn't mind when you go to sleep after using it.
10. AND, you can buy a silencer for a gun!

[chpthril]

Because the white house looks kind of like this now:

LOL

[talltigeguy]

They are serving a new Christmas drink at the White House
this year.

It's made with watermelon juice and vodka. It's
called a>>>>>


"Nig Nog".

Because the white house looks kind of like this now:

[dogbert]

LOL, good one!

[chpthril]

Medical Alert!

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK, you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

[chpthril]

New Christmas drink at the White House this year

They are serving a new Christmas drink at the White House
this year.

It's made with watermelon juice and vodka. It's
called a>>>>>



"Nig Nog".

[chpthril]

THE SOUTH --- YOU GOTTA LOVE IT



Alabama



A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked.

'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied. 'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.



'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry.'





Texas





The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'.



'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.



Louisiana



A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied, 'Because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.'





Mississippi



The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!'



Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'



The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'



Georgia



A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I. D. ?'



The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'





North Carolina



A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.



The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'



The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'



The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'



Tennessee



The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'



The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.



South Carolina



'You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North.'

[chpthril]

JOSE CUERVO CHRISTMAS COOKIES


1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila



Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level glass and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.


Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
glass just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets duck in the steaters just pry
it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain
your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.



Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !

Hope you ejnoy yuor CHRIMAS ROOKiES......HAVE A GREAT DAY!