Post your best joke thread

[M&M]

2000 20CI. Missouri Ozarks. M&MBATHROOM PHOTO.jpg

[jslayde1]

When my kids were younger they loved this one:

How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

...Hold its nose...

[JohnnieMo]

People in Dubai don't like "The Flintstones"

But people in Abu Dhabi Do!

I'm going to the UAE tomorrow. I'm totally throwing this one out.

My son is 6 and somehow stumbled into Yo' Mama jokes. It's hilarious. Most of them are non-sensical, but he threw this one out yesterday:

"Your momma is so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew!"

[jslayde1]

Why do we call "#" a hashtag and not pound?

Because feminists wouldn't appreciate the PoundMeToo movement.

That's funny...

[Jetdriver]

As someone who listens closely to all of your advice in the forum, I need your opinion/help... I really need your advice for a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that the little woman has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings and the caller hangs up, out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, about midnight last night I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someones car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on....... it was at that moment while crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard mouting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

Hahaha!! Love it!

[lucynash]

They are serving a new Christmas drink at the White House
this year.

It's made with watermelon juice and vodka. It's
called a>>>>>



"Nig Nog".

Do you know the entire joke it was sent to cell phones about white house Christmas party nig nog joke

[lucynash]

Do you remember the entire joke it was sent to cell phones

[D&P Powell]

As someone who listens closely to all of your advice in the forum, I need your opinion/help... I really need your advice for a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that the little woman has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings and the caller hangs up, out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, about midnight last night I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someones car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on....... it was at that moment while crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard mouting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?

[Wakeman22]

I am in the Landscape business.

Heres one I had happen the other day.

I hired a black guy who was not familiar with e tools we used.
I was teaching him the tools and use of them.
Here is a shovle and this is how you use it.
Here is a rake and this is what you do with it.
Here is a hoe and this is how I use it.
He quickly replied with...

My sister's a hoe and she looks nothing like that!

[chpthril]

^^^^ Poor Ken Starr

[MooseX]

Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That’s not how I want to spend all eternity......." They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"

They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. I’ll take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, you’ve been replaced."

[MooseX]

Damn funny C'thrill...

A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy finally says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn’t because she didn’t have any clothes on. He replies, “Take my shoe and cover your privates with it...and go for help!?

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk replies, "I’m sorry, I think he's too far in."

[chpthril]

2012 Car of the Year

New 2012 Ford

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can't get it to turn over.

New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.

This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace it each year.

[MooseX]

What did the Cal Trans worker say to the Snail?

Hey stop following me!

[Dave K]

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the
Priest beside her.

'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits,
and
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to
declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which
is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father.' Next!