Post your best joke thread

[da.bell]

Dave Bell.

hahaha, you are funny. Unfortuntely that is a very old joke. The new joke is on you DORK!!!!!

[Nobody]

Dave Bell.

[chpthril]

[chpthril]

This could definetly be where we are headed!
It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

[G-MONEY]

OOOOOOO

[Timmy!]

So they finally decided what to do with Michael's body. Since he's 99% plastic, they're going to melt him down and turn him into Legos, so little kids can play with him again.

[jwanck11]

LO freaking L to both above!!!

[dingleberry]

Gov. Sanford to PR Assistant:

No no no you idiot! I didn't say that I was "hiking the Appalacian Trail"...I said that I was "hitting that Argentinian tail"!

[chpthril]

For the company picnic, management decided that due to liability issues ,
we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.









I was fired for ordering the cups.

[chpthril]

GM Consonlidates!

As a part of the bankruptcy proceedings, General Motors has announced that they are downsizing and moving into new quarters to be closer to their new management team. Since green is the new color for manufacturers, note that a recycling bin has been strategically located for easy access. Note also a senior manager purveying pertinent poop in the parking lot.

[G-MONEY]

Government motors........

"the government will not going to run GM".....BS BS BS BS BS BS BS

[thtrog]

^^^

[chpthril]

GM's new "Signature" car

The new GM (Government Motors) proudly introduces the 2010 Obama...


This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns. It comes complete with two Teleprompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations. The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the "happy" owners.

Comes in S, M, L, XL and 2XL.

[chpthril]

DOCTOR DOUG'S CURE FOR CONSTIPATION


If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the
mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when
symptoms occur:

"My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack
Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emanuel,
Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Al Gore"

If that doesn't scare the chit out of you, then you are probably destined
to be backed up for the rest of your life.

There is no need to thank me for this advice, I'm just doing a public service.

[chpthril]

Divorce or Murder


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A nice, calm, respectable lady went
into the pharmacy, walked up to the
pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to
buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need
cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my
husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "I
can't give you
cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I
will lose my
license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of
bad things will
happen. Absolutely not!
You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of
her husband
at a fancy restaurant, having dinner with the
pharmacist's beautiful wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, that's TOTALLY DIFFERENT. YOU DIDN'T
TELL ME YOU HAD A PRESCRIPTION."


I think we can all use this!



Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest Psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile...

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique. Have a nice day.