Post your best joke thread

[jleger98]

LMFAO!!!

[G-MONEY]

Sex On The Beach

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying.
"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water.

"There," he says. "Now you're screwed."

[G-MONEY]

Radical Procedure

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck" Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8." Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure..." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

[G-MONEY]

HA HA HA.....



I won the gold in the blind giant slalom

[Tequilasun]

http://www.ugoto.com/cartoons/special-olympics.html

[G-MONEY]

NOW THAT'S FUNNY....

[chpthril]

Election Poll

The Democratic National Committee is currently polling Americans through the internet to determine the electability of Hillary Clinton for the presidency of the United States in 2008.

If you would like to show your support for Hillary and encourage her to run for President of the United States in 2008 please add your name to the bottom of the list below and send it on. Please forward and don't break the chain. This poll has been circulating since 1/03/07.














1.

[Tequilasun]

Why is that pile of mashed potatoes wearing Rothlisberger underwear?

[G-MONEY]

[chpthril]

Steelers Fans

Do the Steelers need to get a quarterback with a shorter name? Browns Fan.........Steelers Fan.........You make the decision!

[Domsz06]

great jokes guys!!

[my86stanggt]

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in
the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

[my86stanggt]

A man walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots and starts downing them one right after another. The bartender asks why are you in such a hurry? The man says you would be too if you had what I got. The bartender asks what do you have? The man replied 75 cents.

[talltigeguy]

A man walks into a bar and immediately notices this is not an ordinary bar. There is a tiny man playing the piano. He is standing on the piano bench and can barely reach the piano keys.

'this is not an ordinary bar' the bartender says.
'I noticed' says the man.
'In fact, I have a genie in the back, and for $500 you can get any wish you want' says the bartender.

Knowing that was a great deal the man lays out $500. The bartender tells him to go to the back and enter the 3rd door on the right. The man enters and finds a lamp. Sure enough, after rubbing the lamp, a genie pops out 'POOF' and says 'your wish is my command'.

"I wish for a million bucks" said the man.
'Go back to the bar and your wish will be granted' says the genie.

Soon after sitting at the bar, feathers start falling from the ceiling and there are ducks popping up everywhere. Angrily the man says: 'I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'.

The bartender says: Well, did you think I wished for a 10 inch pianist!

[G-MONEY]

Man Pisses in a Shot Glass

A guy is in a bar with a bunch of his friends. After a while of shooting pool and drinking, he whispers something to his friends. A few minutes later he walks over to the bartender and asks for a shot of tequila. After he takes the shot he says to the bartender,'' I'd like to make a bet with you.'' The bartender replies, ''Sure I'm in a betting mood.''

So the man bets the bartender $1,000 that he can piss in the shot glass placed all the way across the room and fill it up and not spill a drop. The bartender says, ''I'll take that bet.''
So the man walks to the other side of the room and places the shot glass down. He goes back to the bartender and starts pissing. He doesn't even get a drop in. He pisses all over the place. In the bartender's face, all over the barstools and everything.

After he was done pissing, the bartender laughed and said, ''You owe me $1,000.'' The man paid the money with a big smile on his face. The bartender asked, ''How come you're so happy?'' The man replied, ''You see those five guys over there by the pool table? I bet them $500 each that I could piss all over your bar and you'd laugh about it.''