Post your best joke thread

[G-MONEY]

You Know You're Out Of College When...

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

[G-MONEY]

Sorry ladies.......

[G-MONEY]

I need one!!!!!

[sparky216]

never seems to flow as well when you type it as opposed to saying the joke!!!

[sparky216]

Man walks into a whore house and lays down $10 on the counter and asks the owner
"What can I get for $10"
"$10 hey" the owner asks "hmm...boy I don't know $10 isn't very much money, but I tell you what go down the hall, last door on the right, there is a chicken inside."
"A chicken" the man says
"Yep, that what $10 will get you"
"I'm not having sex with chicken" says the man
"I tell you what" says the owner "Go down to the room, have sex with the chicken and if you don't agree that it's the best sex ever then I will give you all your money back"
So the man goes down to the room and takes off his clothes, chases the chicken around, grabs it and goes to town. Finishing, he walks back up to the counter "Good lord, that was FANTASTIC, who would of ever though that having sex with a chicken could be so wonderful".
The man returns a week later and lays $5 on the counter, "what can I get for $5"?
"$5, huh.....well I tell you what for $5 go down the hall last door on the left there are two lesbians going to town that you can watch".
The man walks into a room with about 20 men or so standing shoulder to shoulder watching these two lesbians going to town on each other behind a two way mirror.
"This is unbelievable" the man says " I cannot believe this, this is awsome, and for only $5!!"
The man next to him says "you think this is good, you should of been here last week, some guy was f---ing a chicken"!

[chpthril]

An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several
years.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe
courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and
fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon
bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping
in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went
to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the
bucket up he said, "I 'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral: SOME old men can still think fast.

[Domsz06]

oh my god, that's great!

[my86stanggt]

A man was watching a little boy who was sitting on the curb with a cat. The boy would eat a M&M, bite the cat and scoot a little further down the curb. He repeated the process a couple of more times, eat an M&M, bite the cat and scoot down. Finally the man asks the boy what he's doing. The little boy replied, I'm pretending to be a truck driver. The man doesn't understand so the boy explains, I'm popping pills, eating (cat) and movin on down the road.

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha!

[G-MONEY]

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot
the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?


-- Clueless








Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman.You don't need him anymore.
You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.
__________________

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha!! that's great g-money!

[G-MONEY]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''

''Darned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

[G-MONEY]

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that
Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
real honor! . What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million
Muslims and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits? Why
kill a blonde with big tits?"

Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you
no one CARES about the 140 million Muslims".

[G-MONEY]

n the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play
>together. One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog
and
>began to sink.
>
>Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get
>the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
>
>Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to
>no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
>
>Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-4 series BMW.
>Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope,
>hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
>
>Back at the bog, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the
>chicken
>
>arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of
>rope the chicken tossed to him.
>
>After tieing the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the
>chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful
>car, rescued the donkey!
>
>Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and
>the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
>
>The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best
>pals.
>
>A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
>began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!
>
>The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large
>puddle.
>
>Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he
>would
>
>then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the
>donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.
>
>
>The moral of the story?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks

[Domsz06]

HA HA HA HA