Post your best joke thread

[jleger98]

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a
> > flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of
> > ill repute and knocked on the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he
> > wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I
> > have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured,
> > why not, so she told him to come in.
> >
> >
> >
> > Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked,
> > "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said
> > no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having
> > to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
> >
> >
> >
> > Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
> > the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed
> > down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes
> > later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in
> > the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
> >
> >
> >
> > He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my
> > parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home
> > with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex
> > with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She
> > will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back,
> > Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones,
> > and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the
> > babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will
> > catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will
> > deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease..
> > and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my FROG!"

Damn thats a long way to go for that!! funny tho!!

[G-MONEY]

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a
> > flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of
> > ill repute and knocked on the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he
> > wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I
> > have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured,
> > why not, so she told him to come in.
> >
> >
> >
> > Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked,
> > "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said
> > no, but the boy replied, "I heard all the men talking about having
> > to get shots after making it with Amber. So THAT'S the girl I want!"
> >
> >
> >
> > Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it,
> > the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed
> > down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes
> > later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
> >
> >
> >
> > The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in
> > the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
> >
> >
> >
> > He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my
> > parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home
> > with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex
> > with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She
> > will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back,
> > Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he'll jump her bones,
> > and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the
> > babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will
> > catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will
> > deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease..
> > and HE'S the son-of-a-***** who ran over my FROG!"

[zad0030]

You know our from St. Louis when you think Willie McGee was one the greatest baseball players of all time –John

You know youre from stl if u have ever called into 590 with your own rant out of frustration for izzy, mizzou, rams, steroids or college football in general (likely all at the same time). -Randy

you know when youre from St. Louis when people from out of town look at you funny when you pronounce highway 40 and 44 -Ryan

u r so saint louis if any one in ur family refers to a casino as "the boat" –Sr. Hollmon

You know you (once lived) are from STL when you have to explain just how hostile Clayton-Ladue and WG-Kwood games are...or if you got pepper sprayed at a HS hockey event! -Sarah

You know you're from St. Louis when you measure the distance to get somewhere in time not by how many miles ( or yards in some cases) –Rachel

You Know you are from St. Louis when you know this phrase "Cheap Cheap. Fun Fun" -Jeffrey

You know your from STL when you find yourself spitting on anyone whose wearing a cubs bball cap -Erich

You know your from St. Louis if you go to another state order toasted ravioli and wonder what the hell is wrong with this place when they don't have it. -Tim

You know you're in STL when the weather is 80 one day and 40 the next. -Meghan

Haha, 878-9999 is American equity mortgage. -Joe

Ok, so you know how to find the Shane Co., and you've memorized American Equity Mortgage's Phone #, but how many of you can sing the Mattress Giant jingle? -Laura

U forgot to add Ted Drewes!!! Everyone from STL has been to Ted Drewes...especially after Cards games -Abby

Don't forget gooey butter cakee... -Janicee

when u increase ur speed by 20mph as u cross from county to city -Dave

You're daily footwear is Birkenstocks -Patrick

you know you're from St Louis when all that you and your friends can think about is leaving. And you all go away to school. And two years later, everyone is back in town and never wants to leave. -Kathy

You know your from St. Louis when you can pinpoint exact references in Nelly's songs -McKenna

you learned how to divide by fractions with the Ozzy Smith Fraction Flip -Heather


If these dont apply to you..dont join the group



You love toasted ravioli with Budweiser beer.

"Vacation" is a choice between Silver Dollar City and Lake of the Ozarks.

You can find Pestalozzi Street by aroma alone.

You can get anywhere in 20 minutes, except on highway 40.

You can debate for 30 minutes whether Missouri Baking or Marge Amighetti makes the best Italian bread.

You know what "Party Cove" is, and where the "lake" is.

You still can't believe the Arena is gone.

Your first question to a new person is, "Where did you go to High School?"

Your non-St. Louisan friends always ask if you're aware there is no "r" in "wash."

You know at least one person who's gotten hurt at Johnson Shut-ins.

You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.

You think the four major food groups are Beef, Pork, Budweiser and Imo's.

You know there are really only three salad dressings: Imo's, Zia's and Rich and Charlie's.

You'll pay for your kid to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

You would rather have a root canal without anesthetic than drive on Manchester on a Saturday afternoon.

It just doesn't seem like a wedding without mostaciolli. AND YOU PRONOUNCE IT 'MUSKACHOLLI'. The balance of the menu is ham, boiled roast beef, string beans with ham and of course pitchers of Busch Bavarian (class weddings have Bud)

You know, within a three-mile radius, where another St. Louisan grew up as soon as they open their mouth.

You know what a Pork Steak is...and what kind of sauce to put on it!

Everyone in your family has floated the Meramec River at least once.

A hoosier is someone that lives just south of Chouteau, not a person from Indiana.

You have made fun of Mike Shannon and tried to imitate him ordering another cold, frosty Busch Bavarian Beer.

You have listened to Mike's broadcast on KMOX, while watching the game on TV and wonder what game he is watching. A tear forms in your eye as someone mentions their favorite Jack Buck story.

You've said, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."

Your favorite summer treat is handed to you upside-down

You bleed Blue between September and May

You actually get these jokes

[G-MONEY]

Theres the same thing for St Louisans.

Nice try....... but no, not even close!

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha, that's great g-money!

[zad0030]

Theres the same thing for St Louisans.

[G-MONEY]

Top reason that you know you're from So Cal...

1) Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

2) You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.

3) You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.

4) You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican.

5) You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know damn well that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).

6) Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

7) You drive to your neighborhood block party.

8) In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day or mow your lawn in your shorts on New Year's Day, and maybe sunburn.

9) You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.

10) If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

11) Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

12) You know what "In-'N-Out" is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any. (For non-Californians it is the best darn Fast Food Hamburger in the country and we will drive for miles to get one)

13) You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

14) You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.

15) You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times and you don't remember at least 1 of them.

16) You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

17) You eat pineapple on pizza.

18) Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of your head.

19) You think that Venice is a beach.

20) The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

21) You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

22) You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "949." Nobody likes anyone from the"909" because it stinks there.

23) You call 911 and they put you on hold.

24) You have a gym membership because it's mandatory. The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.

25) You think you are better than the people who live "Over the
Hill". It doesn't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing,you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

26) You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

27) You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean. (for non Californians it an accident/traffic jam, Pacific Coast Highway and the Five Freeway)

28) You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

29) It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station "STORM WATCH".

30) The Terminator is your governor.

31) You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California

[Domsz06]

ha ha ha!!

[my86stanggt]

One guy rents a camel over in the desert and he goes out and in the middle of the desert it just sits down and won't move. After a couple of hours a caravan comes through and he asks them to tell the rental place he's stranded. So they say no problem and after a day the rental place sends a camel mechanic out to look the camel over. He stands there for a little bit and takes out a rubber mallet and hits the camel hard in the side and the camel lets out a huge fart. The mechanic looks over at the guy and says "Just as I thought, Vaporlock"

[my86stanggt]

I can't wait to get it back on the water.

[jleger98]

Good one Stang!!

Nice boat too

[my86stanggt]

Ok, Truckdriver picks up a hitchhiker and the hitchhiker promptly robs the driver and takes his clothes, money and truck and ties his wrists to his ankles and leaves him in the woods. The driver finally hops out of the woods and another trucker stops and gets out and asks "What happened?" The driver responds "A guy robbed me and took my truck, money and clothes." The trucker starts unzipping his pants and says "This just aint your day is it?"

[G-MONEY]

Gravity-Defying Tequila

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, slams it down, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls until right before the ground, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the guy walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He drinks it and goes to the window and jumps. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all...SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila and the bartender says to him, "You're really an a$$hole when you're drunk, Superman."

[G-MONEY]

Three Girls Go Camping

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

[G-MONEY]

The Hired Help

An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town, who was gay. So she chose the gay guy; they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him, “I'm your boss so you have to do what I tell you.”

The gay guy said, “Okay.”

So she said, “Take my shoes off,” so he did.

She said, “Take my stockings off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my dress off,” and he did.

She said, “Take my bra off,” so he did.

Then she said, “Take my panties off,” so he did.

Finally, she said, “You leave this house wearing my clothes one more time and you're fired.”