Post your best joke thread

[chpthril]

I must be Mike Buttsnbourbon

[Domsz06]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man,
standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like Most
-- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "Bob Titsenbeer"

ha ha ha!!

[Lunchbox]

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man,
standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like Most
-- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "Bob Titsenbeer"

[chpthril]

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.
During one battle, the French captured an English major.
Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general
began to question him.

The French general asked, "Why do you English officers
all wear red coats? Don't you know the red materia l makes
you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that
the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are
shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't
panic.

And that is why from that day to now all French Army officers wear
brown pants.

[talltigeguy]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...arch&plindex=0

Amen, Brother!

[chpthril]

Tryforgetin

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...arch&plindex=0

[Bibbs]

a man yells out to his wife "come here and see my clock"
she walks into the room and sees him laying on the bed naked with a hard on
she says "thats not a clock"
he said "it will be when you put two hands and a face on it"

[chpthril]

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND "TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow July den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Roo m Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do, don't you!

[dogbert]

.One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife


'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
Maybe
it
would take a few inches off of your butt!!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let
such
a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his
drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust'
cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum
powder
in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker...


'It's not talcum powder......

It's 'Miracle Grow'

LOL. Good one.

[chpthril]

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon.

When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly, but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:

"WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES.
THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND."

Sad to say, but this is true LOL

[talltigeguy]

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?" One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon.

When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder. The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.

So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly, but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon. An official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing, the translator relayed the message:

"WATCH OUT FOR THESE ASSHOLES.
THEY HAVE COME TO STEAL YOUR LAND."

[chpthril]

.One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife


'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
Maybe
it
would take a few inches off of your butt!!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let
such
a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his
drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust'
cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum
powder
in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker...


'It's not talcum powder......

It's 'Miracle Grow'

[CP3]

haha G got a good one. Im okra

[G-MONEY]

I'm.....


BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those
who know you best -- your friends and loved ones may find that your
personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect
you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should
go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way,
yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will
always pullover and stop for you.

[chpthril]

so what are you????

Armadillo, wife's Okra