Post your best joke thread

[chpthril]

This could definetly be where we are headed!
It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.

[chpthril]

[Nobody]

Dave Bell.

[da.bell]

Dave Bell.

hahaha, you are funny. Unfortuntely that is a very old joke. The new joke is on you DORK!!!!!

[chpthril]

Rare photo of the 1940 Tour de France

[LovinPowell]

Due to budget cuts and the struggling economy, the light at the end of the tunnel is being turned off.

[G-MONEY]

Due to budget cuts and the struggling economy, the light at the end of the tunnel is being turned off.

Dang it!

[River Runner]

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[River Runner]

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer, the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster'.

She replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

[chpthril]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California . .


White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage..

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No
other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight
loss.



Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive
year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling
for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and
Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then,
guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely
nothing, except you might make someone smile or very very scared.


I Love This Country!

It's The Government That Scares Me!

[chpthril]

> MY DADDY IS AN EXOTIC DANCER
>
> One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what
> their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came
> up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor,
> lawyer, and so forth.
>
> However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically
> quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he
> finally replied, 'Okay...my father's an exotic
> dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in
> front of other men and they put money in his underwear.
> Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with
> some guy and stay with him all night for money.'
>
> The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly
> set the other children to work on some exercises and then
> took little Justin aside to ask him,
>
> 'Is that really
> true about your father?'
>
> 'No', the boy said, 'He actually works for the
> Democratic National Committee and helped get Barack Obama
> elected President last year, but I was too embarrassed to
> say that in front of the class.'

[Shamus]

Little Johnnies neighbor had a baby. Unfortunatly, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnies family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears, he would the the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie said he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said "what a beautiful baby". The mother responded "Why, thank you little Johnnie!"

Johnnie continued, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, really cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", said the mother, "we are so thankful; the doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"Ohh thats great!" Little Johnnie replied, "Coz he'd be F@#$ed if he needed glasses>"

[chpthril]

In Washington, D.C. an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near..
“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see President Obama and Speaker Pelosi before I die”, whispered the priest.
“I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to The President and Congress and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Pelosi, “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected. After all, I’m IN IT TO WIN.”
Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing..
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Obama’s hand in his right hand and Pelosi’s hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
Finally President Obama spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”
The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”
“Amen”, said Obama.
“Amen”, said Pelosi.
The old priest continued, “Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same.”

[chpthril]

[chpthril]