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The speech George W. Bush might give were he to resign:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the media polls are any true indication, I don't
know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible
has happened, and that many of you are really not fellow Americans any
longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. I know I'm close to the end
but it I've had it with you morons. Its simple. I'm fed up because you
have no commitment, no resolve, and after all this time you don't get
it. You don't want to understand what's going on in the world or of
what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. The majority of you
are too darned lazy to do your homework and figure it out. You believe
what you want to believe and ignore the facts. Let's start local.
You've been sold a load of BS by politicians and the news media. Polls
show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. That's
despite record numbers of homeowners, including record numbers of
MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point
out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. There is no housing crisis, 97% of all mortgages are
paid on time. All the hysteria is the product of irreponsible banks
putting themselves in a bad position and the media and Democrats using
it as an election year scare tactic. I've mentioned all those things
before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in. And I'm the dumb one...
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded
to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices. Most of
you are too damn stupid to do a little homework to realize that gas
prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the
world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried
about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security. A
little history you ignore is that this planet has heated and cooled in
cycles for billions of years and the polar bears are still here. When
you are out buying your tree to offset your carbon footprint consider
that humans account for only 5% of all CO2 emissions. Yep, check your
internet for the facts. The majority of CO2 emissions are the product
of decaying leaves from the trees you are buying. By the way, is that
tree you bought converting more CO2 to oxygen than before you bought it?
How does it offset your other CO2 emissions exactly? Someone is taking
your money and you are too stupid to know it. You probably have family
who bought swampland in florida too.
Meanwhile, we face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood
for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already
seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And
don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the
liar you morons take me for, I could've easily "found" chemical weapons
in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact
that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the
world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Hell, he said after
captured that he maintained the deception to hold onto power. Guess you
missed that. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton '
established that policy. If you paid attention to your own government
policies you'd know that but it takes more than five minutes of
attention to understand it. Now some of you morons are considering
another,more dishonest Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that one!!
While she is out dodging gunfire and apologizing for her husband, she
wants to let the ' Whole Village ' raise your kids! Look around your town
and tell me you want those dumb bastards influencing how you raise your
kids.
The rest of you morons have this stupid glow on your faces from
listening to the eloquent empty suit junior senator from Illinois with
no understanding of foreign policy or economics. This nitwit says we
should attack Pakistan , a nucular ally and then he wants to go to Iran
and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While
he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda , Afghanistan to the
Taliban , Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the
government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into
citizens, so they can vote to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for
Iran to have nucular weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to
Israel . Any of this sound stupid to you yet? Well it will certainly be
change...believe it.
You idiots refuse to understand that we face a different enemy than
we've ever faced Back during the cold war, there were two major
competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war,
but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive,
just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-wait them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care
if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as
they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they
can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the other folks are all
over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in
the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because
you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military,
law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure
of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a
long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think
a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that
wars should last a few months, a few years, tops. Making matters worse,
you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the
New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run
Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well
FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
You also believe that putting a yellow ribbon on your vehicle is
supporting your troops. Just how are you supporting them? Like
everything else in your lives, you have that ribbon on your car to feel
better about yourselves. This is the same shallow, self-indulgent
motivation you use when you put a "Save Darfur" sticker on your car. Do
you really give a damn about the people of Darfur ? I doubt it. If you
really cared about people suffering you'd have given real money and time
to Katrina hurricane victims. Instead you waited for the government to
fix it all and bitched the entire time we tried. We weren't perfect, in
fact, we had real problems but we tried while you sat on your asses and
critiqued us.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more
about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where
the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do
so, it would sail right over your heads.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over
the Internet. It isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or
on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of
you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the capability to be
fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I
got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever
hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before
the last vestiges of the America we used to know falls. I certainly
won't die before some other jihadist attacks Americans on our own soil
again--bet on it. Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means
Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America . Some of you know what I
mean. The rest of you get what you deserve
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
The speech George W. Bush might give were he to resign:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not
doing it this time. If the media polls are any true indication, I don't
know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible
has happened, and that many of you are really not fellow Americans any
longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. I know I'm close to the end
but it I've had it with you morons. Its simple. I'm fed up because you
have no commitment, no resolve, and after all this time you don't get
it. You don't want to understand what's going on in the world or of
what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. The majority of you
are too darned lazy to do your homework and figure it out. You believe
what you want to believe and ignore the facts. Let's start local.
You've been sold a load of BS by politicians and the news media. Polls
show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. That's
despite record numbers of homeowners, including record numbers of
MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning minorities, I'll point
out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our
unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton
administration. There is no housing crisis, 97% of all mortgages are
paid on time. All the hysteria is the product of irreponsible banks
putting themselves in a bad position and the media and Democrats using
it as an election year scare tactic. I've mentioned all those things
before, but it doesn't seem to have sunk in. And I'm the dumb one...
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded
to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices. Most of
you are too damn stupid to do a little homework to realize that gas
prices are high because there's increased demand in other parts of the
world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried
about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security. A
little history you ignore is that this planet has heated and cooled in
cycles for billions of years and the polar bears are still here. When
you are out buying your tree to offset your carbon footprint consider
that humans account for only 5% of all CO2 emissions. Yep, check your
internet for the facts. The majority of CO2 emissions are the product
of decaying leaves from the trees you are buying. By the way, is that
tree you bought converting more CO2 to oxygen than before you bought it?
How does it offset your other CO2 emissions exactly? Someone is taking
your money and you are too stupid to know it. You probably have family
who bought swampland in florida too.
Meanwhile, we face real threats in the world. Don't give me this 'blood
for oil' thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would've already
seized Iraq 's oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And
don't give me this 'Bush Lied; People Died' crap either. If I were the
liar you morons take me for, I could've easily "found" chemical weapons
in Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact
that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of the
world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Hell, he said after
captured that he maintained the deception to hold onto power. Guess you
missed that. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was
official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ' Clinton '
established that policy. If you paid attention to your own government
policies you'd know that but it takes more than five minutes of
attention to understand it. Now some of you morons are considering
another,more dishonest Clinton for president !!!! Go figure that one!!
While she is out dodging gunfire and apologizing for her husband, she
wants to let the ' Whole Village ' raise your kids! Look around your town
and tell me you want those dumb bastards influencing how you raise your
kids.
The rest of you morons have this stupid glow on your faces from
listening to the eloquent empty suit junior senator from Illinois with
no understanding of foreign policy or economics. This nitwit says we
should attack Pakistan , a nucular ally and then he wants to go to Iran
and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While
he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda , Afghanistan to the
Taliban , Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the
government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into
citizens, so they can vote to reelect him. He also thinks it's okay for
Iran to have nucular weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to
Israel . Any of this sound stupid to you yet? Well it will certainly be
change...believe it.
You idiots refuse to understand that we face a different enemy than
we've ever faced Back during the cold war, there were two major
competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war,
but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive,
just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-wait them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care
if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as
they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they
can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the other folks are all
over the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in
the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because
you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military,
law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure
of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a
long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think
a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things
through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that
wars should last a few months, a few years, tops. Making matters worse,
you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the
New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run
Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well
FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
You also believe that putting a yellow ribbon on your vehicle is
supporting your troops. Just how are you supporting them? Like
everything else in your lives, you have that ribbon on your car to feel
better about yourselves. This is the same shallow, self-indulgent
motivation you use when you put a "Save Darfur" sticker on your car. Do
you really give a damn about the people of Darfur ? I doubt it. If you
really cared about people suffering you'd have given real money and time
to Katrina hurricane victims. Instead you waited for the government to
fix it all and bitched the entire time we tried. We weren't perfect, in
fact, we had real problems but we tried while you sat on your asses and
critiqued us.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say more
about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where
the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I to do
so, it would sail right over your heads.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over
the Internet. It isn't on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or
on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of
you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient
house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the capability to be
fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I
got elected, and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever
hear of it again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before
the last vestiges of the America we used to know falls. I certainly
won't die before some other jihadist attacks Americans on our own soil
again--bet on it. Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means
Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America . Some of you know what I
mean. The rest of you get what you deserve
PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran.
But hey, I'm hardcore right wing who's family has had the privilege of serving on the national stage!
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